Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
