its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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