He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
