He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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