bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm too high and old for this...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
