Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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