Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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