how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
