Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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