Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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