I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
