One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
