Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
