I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm just crazy horny about you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
