I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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