take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
