i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
