I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
