Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
