I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
