sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
