WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize