I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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