These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
