Soap is not a condiment
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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