Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
