Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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