she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
