my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
