Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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