i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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