I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize