Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
