He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
