It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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