I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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