we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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