Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
