Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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