My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
