it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
