this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
