the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
