my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
