as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
