The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
