Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
