Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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