We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have aggressive nipples.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
