im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
