bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
