He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's get the cat blown out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
