He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You were trust falling into bushes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
