What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
