my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
