9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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