i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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