I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
