also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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