Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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