So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
