Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
