last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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