Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
