He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
