do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
