he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
