Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
