All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
