Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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