I'm going to jail i love you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
