Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize