Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
