I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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