I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
