it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
