if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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