absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i would punch a child for taco bell
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need a beard to bite.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
