Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She bit a glass in half.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize