What did we do last night that was yellow?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
