WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
