i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
