nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize