I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
