There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
