Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just cut my nipple shaving
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
