So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
