He asked to "fluff my boner.."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
