I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
