and you said cock pushups were impossible
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
