The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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