Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
