There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize