There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
