in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
