He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
