Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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