did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i dont even know how to be here
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
