just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize