If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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